fountains

by definition// who are we? we are city jumpers. we live in the shadow worlds, in-between our yesterday and our today. and for months we roam the masses for emotions and relations wishing for minimalistic colors, of duo-tone clothes, and contemporary architecture. our cities are strewn with broken materials. leaking roofs, rubbish and fallen monuments. we are reverse engineering the future. we are seeing the past as we move forward. this is the year 2009.

new worlds, cities and beyond. an informal meeting of old friends, old stories, old cities, old ideas. so we were driving back in memories along the same path to reach this new city. that we left 20 years ago and imagining how it all would have changed. we find this new buildings and facades and cascading fountains and led lights and floating ad boards and nestled in all this electronics are those old streets and stores and restaurants and your barber shop. so he asked what does it all mean? is this really 2020?

defining moments, who we are. we are creators of this century old cities, and then we tweak and turn things to make the engines work churning out millions of new stories each day so that those new souls can remember what is the past while contributing just as we did to the future and all the while sitting along the seashores watching the waves hit and carry away tiny pebbles one by one. then finally one day the dream ends. we did not age, the cities crumble, the future just decays one particle at a time.

//finding meaning for the existence. part one.

a return to (the) movies

the process of watching a movie is challenged tremendously when you are abnormally attracted to a single character, no matter if they're the main focus, or just the supporting cast. the process eventually gets too comfortable when you identify with a character. the medium and liberation of complexities of movie making, when translated into an art house minimalistic marvel is a beautiful product. wash away the colors of materials, construct light created architecture, render nights during day. focus on the face and eyes. play with music as if the music itself builds the image cells. movies are beautiful when made with the right ensemble of life.

[i loved Darren Aronofsky's PI]

the beanstalk

the beanstalk, originally uploaded by Ghost Particle.

many lessons in growing up, it offers
wishing for many more, for everyone else
another day, spent waiting for rain

rarity of reasons

daybreak. as we drove along the winding mountain road and the fog played for as long as we wished for. i tried to find connections for those moments, and the past i always loved to look and dream of. life strangles every last breath of history. many chapters have eroded into some heaven locked away with synapses severed.

the decline of reasons. i look back to find my mistakes. i could not solve it for it has happened. solving it would not absolve the future either.

finding reasons. so we were there sitting along the banks of the mighty river, in a distance the thundering fall echoes a deep yet melodious vibration. mingling with the lights of fireflies and sounds of fog brushing and caressing dew drops. around us meadows with blue flowers, and when morning comes it turns white. many reasons are always there, even before events unravel.

the rarity of reasons. for some moments in time we loose every causal link to the past and future. those moments bring no reason, it must have some but it doesn't have to be there. beautiful moments. during this moments of rarity, we just live freely, wandering and wondering about this big bold world. a beautiful colorful tapestry, during every morning and a cool night during every sunset. it comes and it leaves, leaving traces unsatisfactory. when the age ends, we scramble and scrape every existence out there to bring out the sight and sound and smell of lost memories to live it one more season.

seasons, rarity of reasons

eternity shores

they sat there by the shores, looking up at the majestic nebula painted skies. life has led them wandering over many worlds, searching through time and many creations. colonies of humans set forth to every corner of the galaxy building new empires dreaming of everlasting civilizations. future histories written and for time eternity not shared among us, humans. life has found new shores, the heart remain lost. solitude cities bathed by ancient photons in many new solar systems, neon streets connecting pockets of hungry minds. great archeological discoveries litter the galactic museums, given prominence standing among earths greatest treasures. we still marvel this great universe, leaping from one insignificant time point to another. hungry and unsatisfied.

and the question remains, where are they, the ancient gods.

[strange symmetries]

and sometimes

people fall for the same trick, again and again and again...
dont they know the punishment for blindly following the wrong truth is death? and the person using trust as a weapon will have to pay for it for eternity.

there is still one way to end all this. ask for forgiveness and we shall put all behind.

free fall

free fall, originally uploaded by Ghost Particle.

flowers are amazing in quantum moments

when they are least aware of their majestic beauty

[/+] do visit the whole gallery @flowers

to live

there were times when solutions came easy, but at moments like this I think the only way out is the way in-to the soul, to read, write and travel.

lost

after endless hours of trying hard not to get carried away and drawn into the awful criticisms by those close to me, i had to convince myself that i cant really see a direction in front of me. there have been countless times in the past years that i struggled hard to climb up from the rut, from stagnating in this rooms that whoever claims control over me built around me. there have been times and again that i cut off ties, cleaned up the mess and walked on, as always saying to myself that even the sky knows its limits, not the endurance we immerse our souls in.

i have drawn lines and paths and words in the darkness to show that there is a way for anything to happen and everything to be solved. i have been fortunate of all the love in life that everyone who understood me showed me. i have been in the kind eyes of them to see that i needed help, and they took me in to connect the lines to make sure i achieve the many things i aspire to do. i have tried and gave my best, and i am still lost. i cant stand the pain that even after a good many years of doing what i do, taking care, building character and living up to their standards, i am still pushed back like some burned match stick, whos' use are sometimes only witnessed by those who pick them up from the streets from random admiration. what more and what else can i do, i am lost today.

i have thread carefully, i have paid my dues, i have at all times made sure i live up to the trust and care that some good souls have showed me. i gave unparalleled loyalty to all those who lent me a hand, pulled me up. i worked my way up with such force and determination of not wanting them to look bad. it was not for me, it was for everyone else. i did all this to make sure no one dies during my lifetime and leave me alive with a broken soul.

today, i feel the world has left me somewhere that i cant crawl back. i look ahead towards some charted fate knowing this life will go on at its will. i feel the things that will happen, will take its course, as it was determined on some slate. i have no control. i have been drawn in some pages to live till the eventual. i have no control of anything, i have made bad choices, i have begged forgiveness from god. all i want is to change the people close to me so that they can live a good life. in all this circus they continue everyday to live careless, to not see the virtues of what it would be to not live a lonely and painful. they have everything their way and yet they waste away. i only want to see them be grateful for what they are having, what they receive everyday. it pains me to see them waste their able lives, it pains not to be able to influence them of the good that they can live to see in this world. i feel numb to see them rot away. i don't want to give up hope on them, but maybe, a day will come when they are what they wished to be. and i will not be alive to see them and be happy. i am lost and dying in the darkness.

`the days when beautiful thoughts are shared among their friends and family, they don't know the dynamics of how that came to be. i know how it will be tomorrow, when even them brothers will laugh and dismiss me away for after all i have do is not remembered anymore. let it be the time they look back, when im gone to know that i did all i could and they have forgotten to take me in when i needed everyone the most.

to write

I used to think that to write a blog post, you need to interact and travel and see and experience the world. To find something to describe a unique occurrence, a situation and place. To unravel the beauty of the moment with words which in turn can also be justified with a beautiful image of the moment.

Now I realize the only way to write a blog post resides in finding the Time to write it. And all along, the experience of the moments we wish to describe withers away from words, living only in random memories, and future histories.

[-/] welcome back Miladysa :)